Mvbe Book Presentation

8/8/2019 Mvbe Book Presentation

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PRESENTED BY

ANITHA KAVERI V.A

C. SUBBU

KARTHIK

KRISHNAN

POOJA NAIR

SANKAR RAJAN

SUMAN GHOSH

SURENDRAN


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v e r y b o d y i s s o m e b o d y s

i f f i c u l t p e r s o n a t s o m e! ! !o i n t i n t i m e

Mom? Dad? Siblings? Kids? Teachers?Co-workers!Boss!!!


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10 MOST UNWANTED

TANK : Confrontational, angry andaggressive

SNIPER: Sarcastic, rude, make peoplelook dumb

GRENADE: Unfocussed, ranting andraving

KNOW-IT-ALL: Low tolerance forcontradiction

THINK THEY KNOW IT ALL : Attention Grabbing

YES PERSON : Commit too much and


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MAY BE : Procrastinators, cannot justdecide

NOTHING: No verbal/non verbalanswers

NO PERSON: Keep saying no!

WHINER: Just cant stop complaining!

What to do about it? Stay and do nothing Run! Change your attitude


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ENS OFUNDERSTANDING

Perfection Control

ApprovalAttention


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AND WHEN THEY CANT

PERFECTIONIST CONTROLLING APPROVAL SEEKING ATTENTION SEEKING

AND THUS INCREASINGLY DIFFICULT


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Fro m co n flict to co o p e ra tion How is it possible to get along with one and get into conflict with the

other?

, United we stand Divided we can t stand each other &Two essential skills Blending Redirecting

, , . Ways of Blending Visually Verbally Conceptually

Failure to blend has serious consequences because the differences becomes basis for conflict

- No one cooperates with anyone who seems to be against them- , Blending always precedes redirecting whether you re listening to

.understand or speaking to be understood

l e n d N o n v e r b a l l y w i t h b o d y a n d f a c i a l e x p r e s s i o n s

! ! Blending sends the signal that I m with you I m not the enemy I m interested in what you say and do&l e n d V o c a l l y w i t h V o l u m e S p e e d

It is the process rather than the content of communication that is causing the difficulty


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Listen to understand People want to be heard and understood

Master communicator makes his or her goal to listen and understand, .first before attempting to be heard and understood

:ad News Strategy for listening requires you to temporarily,et aside your need to be heard and understood at a time when

ou least want to

:ood News By helping your problem person to express,hemselves completely you increase the likelihood of their

.eing able and even wil ling to hear you in turn

Two levels of Understanding ( )Emotional understanding of feeling( )Intellectual understanding of what they say

Process of Listening When your problem person is talking

Blend visibly and audibly Backtrack some of their own words

,Clarify their meaning intent and criteriaSummarize what you ve heard

Confirm to find out if you got it right


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Reach a deeper understanding,Sometimes most important and useful aspects of communication are hidden

, .not just from the listener but from speaker as well

d e n t i f y p o s i t i v e i n t e n t a good purpose meant to be served by a given communication

,A powerful key to bring out the best in people Give a benefit of doubt&Assume a positive intent behind their problem behavior then deal

. , .accordingly If not sure about the positive intent make something up

Get it done Communicate briefly and to the point so as not to obstructthemGet it right Pay great attention to the details in your communication

with themGet along Show your care with friendly chit chat and considerate

communicationGet Appreciation Recognize their contribution with words of

enthusiastic appreciation d e n t i f y h i g h l y v a l u e d c r i t e r i a the standards by which we measure

ideas and experiences to determine if they are good or bad

Criteria becomes extremely important when differing ideas or points of .view are being discussed


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SPEAK TO BE UNDERSTOOD


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GET WHAT YOU PROJECT AND EXPECT


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BRINGIN OUT THE BEST IN THE PEOPLE AT THEIR WORS


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THREE POSSIBLE STAND THAT WE WOULD ADO

. GGRESIVE. EFENSIVE

.WITHDRAWAL

SUGGESTIONS

Look at the tank as a wind up toy which will wind down soon

Try to think and act like people whom you.have seen handling such situations

Your goal should be to command respect


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ACTION PLAN


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The Sniper

Adjusting Attitude

Live with it. If you dont react then the

behavior loses its value. Shift the focus on the sniper Sniper : Here comes the idiot

Targeted person : I know thats your name, why do youkeep saying it all the time?

Innocent Sniper. Just laugh it off.


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Action Plan for Sniper

1.Stop, Look and Backtrack2.Use searchlight questions

The intent question, When you say that what are you reallytrying to say?

The relevancy question, What does that have to do withthis?

3.Use tank strategy

4.Grievance Patrol5.Suggest a civil futureIn the future, if you have a problem with me, come and talk

to me about it one-on-one. I promise to hear you.


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The Know-It-All

Adjusting Attitude

Overcome the temptation of becoming a know it all yourself which might lead to argument.

Be flexible, patient and very cleverabout how you present your ideas.

Experimental laboratory byremembering previous experienceswith the Know-It-Alls.


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Action Plan for The Know-It-All

1.Be prepared and know your stuff

2.Backtrack respectfully

3.Blend with their doubts and desires

4.Present your ideas indirectlyMaybe, Perhaps, Bear with me a moment, I was just

wondering etc.


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The Think-They-Know-It-All

Adjusting Attitude

Deal with compassion

Have patient and wait for the rightmoment to move things in a

different direction.


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Action Plan for The Think-They-Know-It-All

1. Give them a little attention

Backtrack their comments with enthusiasm.

Acknowledge with positive intent.

2. Clarify for specifics

3. Tell it like it is

4. Give them a break

5. Break the cycle


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The Grenade

Blow up onsituations


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What they do..

The Grenade person explodes intounfocused ranting and raving about

things that have nothing to do withthe present circumstances

The best example: A typical

household


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Human Behavior

Normal Zone

G e t ItR ig h t

G et A lon g

G e t ItD on e

Pe op leFocus

Passive A g g re ssive

Task Focus

GRENADE

Get

Appreciated


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How to prevent the pin frompulling off !!

Get the persons attention and Reduceintensity

Aim for the heart: - Words of love,

touch and affection Time off for good behaviour. Caution: Dont try and have a

reasonable discussion about thecause of the explosion during theexplosion.

Grenade prevention. Find the pin and


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The YES PersonOver commit to please

the personcoz they

really cannot say No!!


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The reasons

No clear picture or analysis of ones plan

Underlying drive to get along with

others Actually nice people, when things

go wrong, they actually feel bad

Poor on task skills, organizingskills etc


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H t D l Th Y


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How to DealThe Yesperson

Make it safe so that they would behonest with you

Clarify, & talk to them Help the person learn to plan. By

using the past experience as atemplate, Ensure commitments and

Strengthen the relationship.( Word of Honour, summarise,write the commitment & describeve consequences)

Remember that they mean well,


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The MAY BE PERSON

They never take adecision .


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Reasons Very low sense of security, feel

threatened They think of more about results which

can have a ve impact rather thanthe process

Results are just a mere byproduct

They dont want to hurt anyone Getalong


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Human Behavior

Normal Zone

G e t ItR ig h t

G e t A lon g

G e t ItD one

Pe op leFocus

Pa ssive A g g re ssive

Task Focus

HE MAY BE PERSON

GetAppreciated


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How To DealThe May BePerson

Establish and maintain a comfort zone Be empathetic and think why they are

not making any decisions (+ves andves)

Use a Process Decision making system

Reassure and ensure follow-through There are no perfect decisions Stick by

it

Strengthen Relationship


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Features of the Nothingperson..

They are passive & not involve inconversation.

Get along people dont say much in fear.Better try to avoid conflict & disapprovalwith them.

Get it right people find perfectionotherwise they get frustrated.

Passive-aggressive answer from themacronym for Frustrated, Insecure,Neurotic & Emotional.

Their face, body posture & eyes give


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Persuasion of Nothing people totalk

Action Plans:

Plan enough time.

Ask open ended questions expectantly. Lighten it up (a little humor).

Guess & watch changing behavior. Show the future.


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No Person

Get it right

ormalZone

Perfectionist

Task Focus

People Focus

Passive Aggressive


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Features of the No person..

When the shortcomings, weakness,failings, mistakes loom the No personfeels despair & negative in every aspect.

They are task focused and always try toavoid mistakes. Their negativity undermines motivation,

stifles development and leads others todepression.

The No person finds the negatives ineveryone and everything else.


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The Whinner

Get it right

ormalZone

Perfectionist

Task Focus

People Focus

Passive Aggressive


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Features of the Whiner

3 types of complaints are there:1. Helpful2. Therapeutic

3. Obnoxious For the feeling of helplessness, the whiner is

vocally less assertive.

Three elements are responsible for Whiningsound:1. The weight on their shoulder.2. The effort required to talk.3. the feeling of futility.


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Whiner Dos andDonts..Dos Have patience.

Have compassion.

Have commitment forlengthy process.

Donts Agree with Whiners.

Disagree with them.

Try to solve theirproblem- you cant.

Never ask them thereason for

complaining.


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Problem solving alliance

Action Plans:

Listen for the main points.

Interrupt & get specific. Shift the focus to solutions.

Show them the future. Draw the line.


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IF YOU ARE THE TANK

Stop wasting time Question yourself

Results of tank? True leader or Dictator?

Biographies and Autobiographies Use it as models - change your

history and get used to the idea.


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IF YOU ARE THE KNOW-IT-ALL

The more you know, the more youdont know

Everyone unique perspective. Wisdom (a product of an inquiring

mind, connected to heart)has agreater value than knowledge


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IF YOU ARE THE THEY-KNOW-IT-ALL

3 THINGS TO REMEMBER Admitting mistake no disgrace

regain esteem Exaggeration cause to be

appreciated and liked Stop trying to impress foolish

practice being silent, to gainappreciation give recognition andgenuine appreciation to others


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IF YOU ARE THE GRENADE

Determine the motive to get changed What your pin is and what pulls out

Examine situations common thread For occasional grenade

Express sooner Spend more time to develop

IF YOU ARE THE YES


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IF YOU ARE THE YESPERSON

Be straightforward commitments Think about others sales person No real intimacy Practice being assertive Strength genuine caring

IF YOU ARE THE MAYBE


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IF YOU ARE THE MAYBEPERSON

There are no perfect decisions Inherent costs

Unmade decision When in doubt decide now Decision Hurting others

IF YOU ARE THE NOTHING


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IF YOU ARE THE NOTHINGPERSON

The conflict makes the distance fromothers

Distance Isolation Express emotions, dont stuff Try to use no blaming type of

conversations


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IF YOU ARE THE NO PERSON

Negative mind (everyone) wrongperceptions

Tape recorder List of disappointments Waiting opportunities Criticism and feedback problem

solving process


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IF YOU ARE THE WHINER

Switch to a problem solving mode Look the world around you

Stick to specifics Appreciate what works in life

Notes appreciate Alternative doings

Stop! Make another commitment


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HOW TO APPLY ?

Learn from all the opportunities Team up with a communication

partner Share develops you to pay attention

Count on your blessings strength After application easy success, win

and lose, more choices only youare responsible

Learn to accept differences (at worst)

HOW TO CHANGE


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HOW TO CHANGE YOURATTITUDE?

CHANGING YOUR REACTIONS: Decide what you want, what will

help you to get along resourcedescription

Lag of resource? others

modeling you New internal state - move with a

difficult person real

Be realistic - Preplay the future

CHANGING YOUR


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CHANGING YOURPERSPECTIVE

Association Dissociation, Memories Step away from unpleasant

memories: Imagine worst case scenarios Alan Kirschner technique go beyond Editing memory, colour, contrast,

trade Reframe problem Teresa

Change the frame, not the picture

CHANGING THE WAY YOU TALK


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CHANGING THE WAY YOU TALK TO YOURSELF

Think say, makes you think of whatto say

Substitute positive Draw mental comments:

I go for what I want, and I want what Iget

Somewhere in this experience is anopportunity

Any experience I can learn from is agood one


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Draw mental comments: Oh well situation does not change

with our opinion All things must pass This used to bother me, thats all

behind me now In God we trust Think about the

present and let start from there.Leave the past

All the tools are available, adjust yourreactions and attitude, free stress.


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LIFE IS NOT A TEST . . . .ITS ACTUALLY AN

EMERGENCY

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