Resolving ConflictConflict 101

Conflict 101

Conflict is a difference in goals Conflict is more than a disagreement Conflicts fester when ignored We respond based on perceptions Conflicts trigger strong emotions Conflicts are an opportunity for growth

Sources of Conflict

Task or Goal

Relationship

Sources of Conflict

Two Principles for Handling Conflicts

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

Stephen R. Covey

Two Principles for Handling Conflicts

Focus on Needs rather than Positions

Roger FisherWilliam Ury

Conflict Questions

What is your natural, most comfortable response to conflict? What are the negative consequences to

engaging in conflict? What are the positive consequences to

engaging to conflict? List different conflicts that you deal with in

your position at work.

Confronting Conflict

Exposing oneself to ridicule or rejection

Recognizing we may have contributed to the problem

Willingness to change

Confronting Conflict

We Rationalize

Signs that conflict Exists but hasn’t Surfaced

Productive Conflict

Surfacing and Productively Resolving Conflict

Value

Our physical and mental health improves Our relationships are strengthened

Our productivity and effectiveness increases Our organizations achieve their goals

Surfacing and Productively Resolving Conflict

Risks

Increased stress Ripple Effect

Leadership perceived as ineffective Trust declines

Productivity decreases Turnover

Surfacing and Productively Resolving Conflict

The Key

Both sides

can win

Positions vs. Interests

Three Bases for Resolving Conflict

Power

Rights

Interests

Use of statusor authorityUse of policies or procedures

Finding mutualsolutions

Win-Lose

Win-Lose

Win-Win

Positions vs. Interests

Positions

Interests Also known as Needs

What You Want

Why You Want it

Positions vs. Interest

Argue for our position Don’t listen to the other person Fear losing more than we gain

Think we must threaten or make promises

Positions: Tangible, Finite & require JustificationWe

Positions vs. Interest

Are underlying needs (motivation) Require explanation rather than justification Can be satisfied in many different ways

Interests: abstract and intangibleInterests:

Positions vs. Interests

Position

Interest

Positions vs. Interests

Is psychologically positive Is not “caving in” to someone else Leads to creative solutions Preserves the relationship Expands the pie for both parties

Satisfying Interests

Kilmann Conflict Model

Five Conflict Behaviors

Walk away Used when issues

trivial, emotions are high, need more information

Benefits: reduce immediate stress and save time

Costs: resentment and buildup of hostility

Relatively easy for “Owls”

Avoiding

Five Conflict Behaviors

Suppression, just smooth things over Only when peace is more important than a

solution Benefits: moves things along, builds harmony

Costs: loss of credibility and influence

Relatively easy for “Doves”

Accommodating

Five Conflict Behaviors

Creates a Win-Lose situation

When you need a quick resolution

Benefits: Asserts your position

Costs: Strained relationships

Relatively easy for “Eagles”

Competing

Five Conflict Behaviors

Lets Make a Deal When faced with

polarizing choices

Benefits: Pragmatic

Costs: Partially sacrifice needs

Not easy for any communication style

Compromising

Five Conflict Behaviors

“We can both win” When issues are

critical and new ideas needed

Benefits: High quality decisions

Costs: Takes trust, time, and effort

Relatively easy for “Roadrunners”

Collaborating

Levels of Communication

Words 7%

38%Paralanguage

Non Verbal 55%

Skill of Listening

Hearing is the same as listening.

Skill of Listening

Listening involves more than your ears.

Skill of ListeningPeople who get the facts right

are always good listeners.

Skill of ListeningGood listening comes naturally

when we pay attention.

Skill of Listening

Good listeners never interrupt.

Skill of Listening

Posture effects listening.

Skill of ListeningMost listening distractions

can be controlled.

Skill of ListeningIf you can’t remember something, then you weren’t really listening.

Skill of Listening

Listening is a passive activity.

Skill of ListeningYou can listen well and

do other things at the same time.

Skill of Listening“Top executives have learned to be excellent listeners. They understand the importance of good listening. The best managers do far more than allow listening to happen. They realize that listening improves effectiveness, accomplishes more, and earns profits.”In Search of Excellence

Tom Peters

Deliberative

Empathic

The Skill of Listening

Words - Situation - Speaker - Meaning

Speaker - Situation - Words - Meaning